A Bit of the Real

 Today is one of those days when I feel like shit.  I feel I have wasted my entire life.  I could have been better. I would have earned more.  I could have done a lot of things. But right now I am just helpless.  I don't want to be helpless. Probably, I need a mentor but no mentor will guide me. I am a heavy kite that can go out of control in strong winds and lesser winds won't work for me.  I need to work on something. Please tell me, do you have any idea?

 When a baby giraffe is born, the mother kicks it until it stands and starts walking.  A mother duck practically pushes a duckling into the water.  I am sure most animals resort to some sort of "cruelty" on their offspring. They want their babies to walk and even dash as they have a risk of survival.   However, humans have created a cozy community around their offspring, which induces protection until the child is fully developed.  A human child takes 12-18 months to just walk. Doing regular human things will take many years.  Following my post, we subjected our child to two more ordeals where his patience was tested. But now he can digest failure. Failure doesn't break him but pushes him to try harder next time.  We failed this time, but less severely than before.  Next time, we will win. 

 Following up on yesterday's post, I detected that my child falls in the "highly sensitive" category.  I will share more details of what it means to me and how I will tackle it. But more importantly. it feels that I have passed it on to him.  This could be a lifelong issue with my life partner and me. She accuses me of being responsible.  I understand it can be my fault. But did I have a choice? Or did I inherit from my parents (probably my mother?).  Anyway, that's not the root point of the discussion. Whatever it is, I need to face it and figure out a solution. 

 I have failed multiple times.  In fact, I have lost count of it.  But today, my child failed. And he cried.  Actually, he cried a lot. I wanted to comfort him and explain him why losing is not a big deal. But he is too young to understand it. He does not know that failure is only going to make him tougher.  I am sure, he will learn in the coming days and years.  But today he didn't know that, and he felt extremely sad.  If it was a teenager or even a ten year old, my motivational pep talk could have worked.  But it didn't work today. He is merely 5 (and will turn 6 soon!) When he is sick, I wish the illness transfers to me instead so that he doesn't have to bear the pain.  Today I wanted to cry on his behalf so that he doesn't.  I don't want him to cry. May be I want him to lose, and fail occassionaly. Like a gym trainer hurts your muscles systematically only to make them stronger.  But today it was too much. I have been the gym trainer who trained someone so hard

Now, I have a challenge. I wouldn't call it tough. It is time-bound. Creating utopia is a both man's and woman's dream. The only difference is, the man starts thinking about the implying imperfections despite the fact that he, too is willing to give in his best for the perfect world. The woman, on the other hand, lives in the present tense and is constantly irritated by the alleged foresight of man. Whether this may or may not lead to a disruption, that only time can tell. But for man, there is nothing important than a woman who understands his dream and pushes him to go further and further. Such are relationships, and to give them a worldly name would be unjust. It's weird. The man, in constant effort of finishing the challenge, tries hard and hard and hard. Soon, the fear of failure creeps in. But what is he afraid of? Is he afraid of failure? Why would he be? Because he hurt his ego? Or because he lost? The reason of the fear cannot be known until the outcome of the

5th August -> 21st December.Four and a Half months since I wrote my last post. People (including me) consider that people blog when they feel lonely, and particularly bloggers are humans that feel an urge to express but can't freely do it in the real world. Anyway, there's always a reason for everything in life. It's just the curiosity of knowing the reason that kills an individual. If I get going to find out reasons to all things that I worry about, I'll be worried forever. The reason why I am writing today's post is because I need to express myself and I don't know whom to tell. I want to say a lot of things but I have promises to keep, which keeps my lips sealed. Awkward, isn't it? I'm writing about my inability to write certain things. But no man is handicap enough to be unable to express: It's just self control. What is life without competition? And competition especially when you start feeling you're the only king of your dream world! Wh