Sometimes I feel like shit

Today is one of those days when I feel like shit.

I feel I have wasted my entire life.

I could have been better. I would have earned more.

I could have done a lot of things.

But right now I am just helpless.

I don't want to be helpless. Probably, I need a mentor but no mentor will guide me. I am a heavy kite that can go out of control in strong winds and lesser winds won't work for me.

I need to work on something.

Please tell me, do you have any idea?

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Why blog?

Mark Twain said, "I can live without food for [n] days, but I can't live a single day without praise." He lost lost wife and three daughters in a very short term. He was then alone. In loneliness, he wrote the darkest of his works, "The Mysterious Stranger" (unfinished). One of the quotes from it is: " In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever--for you will remain a thought, the only existent thought, and by your nature inextinguishable, indestructible. But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!...You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recogniz...

The Guest from Deep Inside.

Sunrise. Birds chirp. Trees exhale oxygen. Suddenly I hear a scream. I woman was pointing at the ground. "A snake! A snake!", she frantically cried. It wasn't a snake. Snakes have removable foreskin. This creature was way too slimy and slippery to be a snake. I know what it was. It was an earthworm; disoriented earthworm. It dragged itself on the dry floor, leaving behind marks of its wet body. Someone said, "Kill it!". I didn't. I just waited until it coiled itself, and inserted a piece of paper beneath it. It was trying to escape off from the other side. A chill passed by my heart. I held the paper with shaky hands, and carried it away with the worm on it. I threw it in the bushes nearby and bid him good day. "It will come again!", my mother said. "Not on the dry land, mom, not again... ", I smirked. Things digging themselves out of deep-within can't panic me.

# 7 The last time we met..

The red sun was smiling. So was the silver moon. The stars winked. The rain drops fell from clouds. A rainbow passed from within. The tree swaying in the wind. "Kaushal!!" came a voice... The paper sheet was perfectly placed under the bed. The pencil, rubber, and the colour sticks went back to their residence. The light was OFF. KC could hear the TV blaring. He was trying to listen to footsteps. It was mom; she was coming to his room. He pulled over the blanket, though it wasn't winter and he wasn't ill. "Mom..." he groaned.."Turn off the lights!". She just wanted to have a look at his room. "You weren't sleeping?" "I was arranging my bag for tomorrow..." "Tomorrow is your first day..." It is tough to make moms leave our rooms. Specially at times when you want to be alone. Now he couldn't turn ON the lights: She'd be back. He thought he'd continue his drawing later. He shut his eyes.But he didn't cl...

A Bit of the Real

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